Du vet du er en ricer når...

[Laaars]

YOU MIGHT BE A RICER IF:

 

You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.

 

You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.

 

Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.

17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.

 

You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.

 

You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission

 

DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.

 

Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.

 

A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.

 

Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.

 

The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

 

Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."

 

Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.

 

You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.

 

You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.

 

You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.

 

Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...

 

Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."

 

You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.

 

You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.

 

Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...

 

The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.

 

You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground.

 

Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!

 

You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

 

You install clear corner and brake lights.

 

You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.

 

You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.

 

You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match

 

If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.

 

If you can fit fist **** your exhaust tip

 

You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

 

If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.

 

Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.

 

EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.

 

You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang

 

You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.

 

You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.

 

The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

 

If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.

 

You think the Del Sol is a sports car...

 

A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.

 

You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance

 

If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque

 

If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.

 

If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.

 

If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.

 

Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).

 

You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...

 

If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.

 

If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.

 

MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.

 

Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.

 

Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!"

 

The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.

 

If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.

 

If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.

 

If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.

 

If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.

 

You think pushrods are a bad thing…

 

Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.

 

Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978

Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.

 

You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD,

Sony, etc.

 

If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…

 

You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.

 

You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.

 

If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.

 

You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.

 

If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand

 

If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...

 

If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…

 

If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...

 

If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...

 

You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...

 

You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.

 

You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them

with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.

 

You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.

 

You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)

 

You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment

 

You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.

 

If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.

 

You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool

 

You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible

 

If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers

 

If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators

 

You have a front wing.

 

If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers

 

If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™

 

If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool

 

If you think colored head lights work better

 

Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!

 

If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it

 

You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and

Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch

 

You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.

 

You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.

 

You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.

 

You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..

 

Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.

 

After losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.

 

Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."

 

You are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."

 

Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...

 

Drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.

 

You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring

 

You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."

 

You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!

 

You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year

 

You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25

 

You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust

 

You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit

 

Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags

 

You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people

 

Yugo's give you a run for the money

 

You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint

 

15's are considered HUGE rims

 

You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand

 

You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose

 

You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time

 

You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste

 

Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car

 

When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you

 

You think your mom's Corolla is fast

 

The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires

 

Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist

 

You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars

 

But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit

 

You rev on school busses

 

Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs

 

You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time

 

YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!

 

You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"

 

The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up

 

You really want to kick my ass right now

 

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for

 

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for

 

You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find

 

You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went

 

You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball

 

You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too

 

You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"

 

You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd

 

You still only get dates from high school girls

 

You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto

 

When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up

 

You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time

 

You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription

 

Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)

 

Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower

[Magnum_pi]

...du har lest gjennom en lang liste med morsomheter totalt blottet for avsnitt og mellomrom.

[Laaars]

Jajaja, ikke skyld på meg. Jeg bare kopierte den.

Begynte faktisk å lage avsnitt, men det tok så lang tid. Kan alltids gjøre det hvis jeg føler for det.

[Laaars]

Did it... :)

[Norsmurf]

og jeg var heldig nok til å ikke komme over den før etter at avsnittene hadde kommet..

 

Var litt mye, men.. sånn går det.. :P

 

morro i begynnelsen, og etterhvert bare må man fullføre.. :P

[BLACK.PEARL]

Mye kult og artig å lese her. Ser ut som forfatterene favoriserer AmCars, de er jo best i verden uansett (FUN IS NOT A STRAIGHT LINE!) *ironi*

[70c]

En del tidig, men noe som gikk igjen en del ganger. Han har glemt dem med "wannabimmers" som trøkker pedalen i bånn på sin 316 cabriolet og tror de har M3. Og han har glemt sin "egen" gruppe om jeg tipper rett, dem som ikke fordrar at importbiler faktisk kan slå amerikanske biler, både i drag og på bane.

[the Boss]

Rice is nice, but nothing beats cubic inches :D

[Hans]

Originally posted by Mangellapp

Rice is nice, but nothing beats cubic inches :D

 

Gullkorn!!! :D

[Dawg Dee-Lux]

Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.

 

lol lol

[Narmacil]

Heter vel "No Replacement For Displacement"... ;)

[Øyvind Ryeng]

Originally posted by Narmacil

Heter vel "No Replacement For Displacement"... ;)

En vis mann på Honda-Tech sa en gang: "There might be no replacement for displacement, but there IS no replacement for pushing 400WHP in a 2000-pound car while shifting at 9200RPMs."

 

Også hørt: "The only replacement for displacement is technology." Stort sylindervolum er den uutdannedes (pent ord for "steike peise teit bondeknølfaen") eneste utvei.

[Dawg Dee-Lux]

Originally posted by Øyvind Ryeng

En vis mann på Honda-Tech sa en gang: "There might be no replacement for displacement, but there IS no replacement for pushing 400WHP in a 2000-pound car while shifting at 9200RPMs."

 

Også hørt: "The only replacement for displacement is technology." Stort sylindervolum er den uutdannedes (pent ord for "steike peise teit bondeknølfaen") eneste utvei.

 

Så, du sier at teknologi liksom skal erstatte 6,75L slagvolumet i Rolls Royce? Der har du en følelse Honda aldri kommer til å erstatte.

 

Rett motor til rett bil sier nå jeg, prøv å se for deg; la oss si; en Lincoln Continental med en tvangsfora 2L, eller en 2L med pustebesvær; nei, jeg trodde ikke det heller.

[BLACK.PEARL]

Originally posted by 70c

En del tidig, men noe som gikk igjen en del ganger. Han har glemt dem med "wannabimmers" som trøkker pedalen i bånn på sin 316 cabriolet og tror de har M3. Og han har glemt sin "egen" gruppe om jeg tipper rett, dem som ikke fordrar at importbiler faktisk kan slå amerikanske biler, både i drag og på bane.

 

Faen så likt vi tenker når det gjelder akkurat dette :)

[Dawg Dee-Lux]

Originally posted by 70c

En del tidig, men noe som gikk igjen en del ganger. Han har glemt dem med "wannabimmers" som trøkker pedalen i bånn på sin 316 cabriolet og tror de har M3. Og han har glemt sin "egen" gruppe om jeg tipper rett, dem som ikke fordrar at importbiler faktisk kan slå amerikanske biler, både i drag og på bane.

 

Etter å ha sett en "Domestic" Ford F-350 Turbodiesel med full understellsbehandlig (LES: Høy) kjøre kvartmila på 11:43 så lurer jeg på om de virkelig er så misunnelige på "Imports" som dere tror.